Legend of Gothic
by gothicjedi666
Summary: While roaming You Tube I came across something I hadn't watched since I was very, young. The Legend of Zelda the cartoon series. It came out in 1989 so even I'm too young to remember it the first time around. I decided that I could use the setting for my idea of having a Gothic whose living a life after his big adventures and is now sort of settled down.
1. Chapter 1

Author Note:

I've written many adventures for quite a few different Gothic's now so I thought I'd write about a Gothic whose already done all the quests, gotten the magic plot devices, made a fortune, gained super powers, saved the world, and he even got the girl. More or less.

Then while roaming You Tube I came across something I hadn't watched since I was very, very young. The Legend of Zelda the cartoon series. It came out in 1989 so even I'm too young to remember it the first time around, but I must of seen as when I found it on the net it brought back some old memories. Then I decided that I could use the setting for my idea of having a Gothic who doesn't really know what he's suppose to do, because already won the day. Again, more or less.

The big thing I did was to add the Triforce of Courage to the story as the name Triforce really only works if there are three magic crystals. To explain why there are only two I turned the Triforce of Courage into the source of this Gothic's power so it's merged with him and therefore can't be stolen.

Naturally I'll change a few more things, but it shouldn't matter if you've seen the series or not as I intend to explain everything along the way. However seeing the cartoon would be an advantage.

**Legend of Gothic - Episode 1**

**Gothic's Chambers. Hyrule Castle, Hyrule.**

After getting up, and checking that the Triforce of Wisdom was still in the room, I poked my head out of the window. It was another beautiful morning in the magical kingdom of Hyrule. Which meant it would be another day of dullness, with only a possible attack of monsters to look forward to.

Sometimes it was hard to remember that I used to roam the world, fighting monsters while questing for powerful relics. Of course it hadn't all been dangerous undertakings and treasure. Those were parts people tended to tell stories about, but few people understood just how a hard a hero's life actually was.

I'd slept in trees, and sometimes worse places. Once I'd run out of food, and had gotten so hungry that I'd eaten bugs. Actual creepy crawlies had entered my stomach, by my choice.

Now things were very different I was living in a castle, sleeping in a bed that was stuffed with goose feathers and I got clean sheets everyday. I ate very well, a little too well actually I was putting on weight, and my biggest concern this morning was what I should wear.

_I'm losing sight  
>Don't count on me<br>I chase the sun  
>It chases me<br>_  
>That was another habit I'd picked up. I sang now. It had to be something do with being the Champion of Hyrule. Merging with Triforce of Courage had made me nothing less than a super hero, but it came a small price. I kept doing heroic things even if I didn't feel the desire too.<p>

_You know my name  
>You know my face<br>You'd know my heart  
>If you knew my place<br>I'll walk straight down  
>As far as I can go! <em>

This was because I'd inherited the skills of past champions. I could only assume that a few of them had been Bards before becoming warriors, because I could also play a few musical instruments, as well as kick a lot of evil backsides.

_I'll follow you if you follow me  
>I don't know why you lie so clean<br>I'll break right through the irony _

I imagined that this was also why I felt so restless here. I was suppose to be out there being all heroic. I was suppose to go on quests to gain magical items. I was suppose to fight monsters. I was suppose to save people. And I wasn't doing any of that.

_Enlighten me  
>Reveal my fate<br>Just cut these strings  
>That hold me safe <em>

This trail of thought often led to me to wondering what it was that kept me here. Aside from making sure that the Triforce of Wisdom didn't fall into the wrong hands.

_You know my head  
>You know my gaze<br>You'd know my heart  
>If you knew your place<br>I'll walk straight down  
>As far as I can go <em>

Not that there was much danger of this. Ganondorf wasn't the evil overlord he used to be. Once I'd gotten my hands on the Master Sword and the Triforce of Courage we'd had our epic battle to decided the fate of the land. I'd managed to banish the dark wizard, but he hadn't gone all the way back to whatever hell it was that had spawned him.

He was now trapped in the Underworld. Which was a sort of underground kingdom. However while Ganondorf couldn't physically leave the Underworld, he could send his minions to the surface. Which wouldn't be a problem, if not for the fact that they were summoned creatures. When you 'killed' one of them, they just got sent to back to the dark dimension they called home. Ganondorf's powers were more limited now, but he could just summon more monsters.

Knowing that might make a person think that it was only a matter of time before the dark wizard killed everyone in Hyrule simply through attrition. However there seemed to be a limit on how many creatures Ganondorf was able to control, and they were all so stupid. Clearly the Dark Lord was either unable or unwilling to conjurer up a monster that had half a brain. My theory was that any evil being that did have half a brain would either overthrow Ganondorf or simply refuse to go along with the dark wizards plans because they always failed.

If I wanted to I could battle the dark arts user and claim his part of the Triforce, so that I could ensure Hyrule's safety for the foreseeable future. However assuming I won, which wasn't certain, then I'd be out of a job and until I figured what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. So until I did I was better off just making sure the balance of power wasn't shifted to far in either direction.

Although really that should be a far harder chore than it actually was as the dark wizard had the Triforce of Power and according to what I'd been told whoever holds the Triforce of Power is granted 'true power' They become vastly more powerful than any mortal, they become nigh invulnerability and have an unlimited source of mystical power. They only way you could lose then was if you were a total moron.

Which explained why Dark Lord Pigface, as I called him, wanted the Triforce of Wisdom as it imparted divine wisdom upon its holder, and granted the holder some mystical abilities. In other words. The Triforce of Wisdom helps its holder to make the right decisions, this combined either of the other Triforces would make taking over a magical kingdom rather easy.

So all in all, it was a good it never worked for me.

What did work for me was the Triforce of Courage. It granted me all the skills a warrior needed, they were passed on from one holders of the Triforce to the next. It also granted me greater endurance, stamina, reflexes, speed and strength. And as the name suggested, great courage. It didn't grant you mystical powers in the sense of being able to cast spells, but it did help to defend the holder from magical attacks. Making me rather effective against wizards and their like.

_This is my life  
>its not what it was before<br>all these feelings I've shared  
>and these are my dreams<br>that I'd never lived before  
>somebody shake me<br>'cause I must be sleeping  
><em>

By now I'd gotten dressed and I'd just started shaving. It was all automatic I didn't think about it, other than to check out what I was wearing. Good solid boots with buckles on the sides rather than laces. Tripping over your own feet was something every adventure wanted to avoid. I was wearing that could be called trousers but there was no zipper and I had to keep them up with a belt. At least my boxers were Earth style. The local tailors had impressive magic so it was easy for them make copies of my socks and underwear since they only had to shape the material. I also wore a long sleeved black t-shirt that was made of a surprisingly comfortable fabric that felt a lot like cotton. Over that I wore a leather jerkin that was pretty cool considering it was medieval in design. It had silver buttons on one side and came with matching gloves. It was pretty special because no one else wore leather in these parts, so I didn't think it was from this land. Perhaps it wasn't even from this world.

_These are my words  
>That I've never said before<br>I think I'm doing okay  
>And this is the smile<br>That I've never shown before _

Once I was done shaving the randomness of my singing came to end, which was good timing because I heard someone else making a pleasant noise.

Moving out onto the balcony I looked down to the see the Princess Zelda singing something softly as she looked out over the courtyard. The Princess was the other reason as to why I was still here.

Hyrule was a magical kingdom, and like in most of the stories you hear as a kid, it was a rule her that the brave hero who saves the kingdom then gets to marry the princess, so that even if he doesn't become king then at least one of his children will be. Which was how it had worked out, more or less, the bit that they don't tell you is that while the princess will marry the hero, it doesn't happen right away. You don't get to jump into bed with the most beautiful woman in the land, and start making those future princes and princesses. At least not right away because the princess has to get to know you first.

It did make sense for to wait. Men rarely marry the girl who puts out too soon, or at least in my opinion they shouldn't. But I'd been the under the impression that I'd be a prince by now. I wasn't a bad person I'd just needed something to motivate me into being the hero. After all why would some average guy from Earth want to risk his life for magical elf people if there was nothing in it for him. Not that I always did good deeds in the hopes of a reward, it was just nice to know you had something to look forward to. It kept you going during the tough times.

"Are you spying on me?" asked the princess when she noticed that I was looking at her.

"Not spying, admiring" I corrected.

Which was true, she was very beautiful, and from this angle I could see her bosom, which was an impressive sight even if her breasts weren't large. She was wearing a colourful, but not overly so, dress which had been designed to push up her cleavage. I liked it already.

"Oh" was all she said on that matter.

She didn't seem to be offended, however there was another female around who wasn't so relaxed about the situation.

"I told you, you should have put on a robe" reminded Spryte.

Spryte had pretty much been my sidekick during my adventures and she got very jealous when I showed other females attention. She wanted me for herself, and I would have been fine with that if not for the fact that she was between four and five inches tall. You can't exactly have a sexual relationship with a women smaller than the thing you wanted to put inside her.

My trail of thought came to a sudden end when I felt the presence of someone or something creeping up behind me. There had just been a slight squeak with indicated that someone had opened the secret passage. Castles like this always had a few hidden passages.

"Get him while I get the Triforce"

A Moblin, a sort of Goblin like creature, charged at me.

"If this is my wake up call, then it's a little late" I joked.

Using my super strength, that was further enhanced by a pair of enchanted bracers that I rarely took off. I threw the Moblin across the room and it went flying out the window. I then moved fast enough to get the Master Sword into my hand before any of the other monsters could lay a hand on me.

The Master Sword was in my view perhaps the best sword an adventuring hero could ask for. It could change size, meaning that I could carry it as a dagger and use it as a long sword in battle, it fired energy bolts. Blocked magical attacks and seemed to weigh next to nothing.

It also banished monsters really well. I didn't even have to stab just a good whack would do it, or I could zap them as I was doing now, to send them back their evil master.

"Okay guys it's been a blast, but you're going home! Tell your boss that if he really wants this Triforce, he'll have to come and get it himself. Oh no wait, he can't".

With that I blasted the last bad guy. Once that was done I placed the still dagger sized Master Sword back into its scabbard.

Then came a knock at the door.

"Gothic, it's me, Zelda" called out the princess "is everything alright?"

She must of heard the fight start and then come running all the way over to the this tower. Woman was quick on her feet of that their as no doubt.

I unlocked the door, and without waiting for an invite the future queen came storming into the room. Rude but she would naturally be worried about her Triforce.

"Don't you ever clean up in here?" Zelda asked me after checking on the magic plot device.

"Of course I do" I lied.

Actually Spryte did that sort of thing as fairy magic was good for the domestic stuff.

"But those Moblin things trashed the place before I blasted them" I added.

"There were Moblins in here? When?" her highness inquired.

"Just now" I explained "no big deal, it was a small group. They came in commando style".

The princess had a confused look on her face so I rephrased what I'd just said.

"I mean they were stealthy, they tried to sneak up on me without warning"

Sometimes coming from a more technologically sophisticated world meant that not everything I said made any sense to the locals. Of course it worked both ways. I had no idea how their magic worked.

"That's the third attack by Ganon this month. We'll have to be on our guard" declared Zelda

I just knew this was going to led to me spending the day bored out of my skull.

"I assume by we, you mean me and some of the castle guards" I said.

The royal guard were good for keeping the peace, but they weren't really good at handing horror movies monsters. Still it was good to have back up when you could get it.

"By we, of course I mean you" corrected her highness "Stay here and guard the Triforce".

"All by myself, for the entire day" I said "with no help".

I knew this would happen.

"Everyone is busy" explained the princess "because of the magician's contest. Which I am suppose to be judging".

With that her royal highness left the room and didn't even bother to close the door behind her.

(Line Break)

**Ganondorf's Throne Room. The Underworld. **

"Blast, blast, blast, blast! You idiots failed me again!"

Clearly the dark wizard was not a happy camper.

"Sorry, Lord Ganon" apologised the leader of the small group of Moblins.

Ganondorf had plenty of mystical juice so summoning the blue skinned Moblins from their home dimension had been no real trouble, and when they'd been blasted by the Champion of Hyrule they'd simply appeared the magical container that the dark wizard kept in the throne room. But they had still failed the their master so they had to be punished for that screw up.

"You'll be sorrier" stated the dark magic user

With that the evil sorcerer blasted his foolish minions with enough force to make them scream. Once that was done the ruler of the underworld gave them no more thought. Instead he started formulating a new plan.

"Obviously, if I want the Triforce of Wisdom I'm going to have to get it myself. There is a contest of amateur magicians in Hyrule today. I shall enter that contest!"

That was when the Triforce of Power of power said:

"But you're no amateur, you are a pro. And banished you are to a kingdom below".

Anyone from Earth would wonder why the Triforce's of Power and its Wisdom counterpart always made little poems when they spoke.

"They won't know that who I am" Ganon explained " and as I am trapped down here I'll just have to hitch a ride in someone else's body".

It was true that Ganondorf couldn't physically leave the underworld, as he been banished to the underworld. However there were always loopholes to be exploited and with the backing of the Triforce of Power, the dark wizard had vast amounts of magical energy to call upon. So while it wasn't easy the pigfaced magic user was able to project his spirit into the world above.

Once he'd done that Ganondorf let his spirit roam until he came upon a man in heavy robes walking alone on the road to Hyrule castle. The novice magic user was not a young man, and better yet he did not have a strong will. So the dark wizard was able to possess the weaker wizard and take over his body.

No one would suspect the old man of being in anyway dangerous. This meant that Ganondorf would be able to enter the castle, and after creating a suitable distraction he then could seize the Triforce of Wisdom.

(Line Break)

**Courtyards. Hyrule Castle. Hyrule**

If anyone had asked how she was, then Princess Zelda would of admitted that she bored. Well no she wouldn't of actually said, as that would be very rude. But it was how she felt. She didn't really want to be here, however one day she would be queen and she would have to make difficult choices so while this event wasn't important it was good practice as it tested her ability to make fair judgements.

"This is a spell I use in my garden, your Highness. Watch" said a wizard who specialised in plant magic.

With a wave of a wand and a magical word the spell caster made a small tomato grow to many times its proper size.

"Wonderful! It's getting bigger!"

Zelda was actually impressed. A spell like this would help to ensure that no one went hungry again. She was already thinking that this man should be named the winner when the enlarged fruit exploded all over the wizard and Zelda. Coating them both in something sticky. The old wizard began to apologise, and then used a spell that actually worked to clean up the mess.

Across the courtyard Ganon, in the body of another, arrived just in time to see what happened, and began to laugh

By this point Zelda had gone from bored to annoyed, then to angry as she didn't like being made to look the fool.

"Who dares to laugh at me?" she demanded to know.

Ganodorf realised then that he couldn't afford to draw attention to himself. For his plan to work he had to keep a low profile.

"Forgive me your highness" the dark magic user requested "My name is not important. I merely wish to enter this contest".

"Are you an amateur magician then?" the princess inquired.

By now she had calmed down enough to realise that it had been a little funny, and she didn't want to kick the wizard out of the castle just for being amused by a simple mishap.

"Indeed I am" Ganon replied, before making asmall bird appear on his hand.

"Fine. Wait your turn" Zelda said dismissively.

The dark wizard no intention of doing that. Instead he walked behind a large statue and began to work his magic. He was limited in what he could do, as he had to stay in control of he hijacked body, but he still had a lot of power to call upon thanks to his Triforce.

Moments later, when he was sure that no one was watching, he then used some of his magic to transform the harmless bird into an evil creature that he could control. He then whispered to the creature some commands.

"Quickly, fly to the tower and tell me if anyone guards the Triforce of Wisdom".

(Line Break)

**Gothic's Chambers. Hyrule Castle, Hyrule.**

"_Wonderful! It's getting bigger!" _I heard the princess call out a second or two before something exploded covering her face and hair with a sticky substance. It was very sexually suggestive since I couldn't quite see what was happening.

"I hope she says that on the wedding night" I muttered to myself.

Assuming we ever got to that point. I had to admit, if only to myself, that it wasn't looking good so far.

"I don't get why you want to marry her" Spryte was saying "She's a snob and mean. You should stick with me".

Knowing how sensitive my sidekick could be, I chose my next words with care. There was no need to offend her as she was my good friend.

"Spryte you're adorable, and I can honestly say that I'd of died many times over without you, but you're only five inches tall. That..."

"What? You don't like short girls?" she interrupted.

I could only sigh in reply.

(Line Break)

**Courtyards. Hyrule Castle. Hyrule**

Zelda leaned forward in her chair as a magic user pulled a rabbit out of his hat. On this world that trick was quite new so it impressed everyone

Well nearly everyone, a certain dark wizard didn't pay it any attention. He was too busy talking to his evil minion.

"The crystal is guarded by the Champion of Hyrule" reported the flying minion

"Really?" mused the ruler of the underworld "Well let's get him out of there. A good distraction should bring him running, especially if the princess is in danger".

Looking around Ganondorf spotted the rabbit that was currently being stroked by the princess. He sent a spell at the small mammal which should of turned into a huge and freakish monster. It sort of worked. It was very freakish.

(Line Break)

**Gothic's Chambers. Hyrule Castle, Hyrule.**

"Fucking hell, it's The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog!" I called out as I saw Zelda try to stop what should have been a harmless pet from getting her throat "and me without the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!"

It should have been hilarious, but there was no time to laugh. I had to move fast to save the princess from something that small children could normally pet without concern.

Grabbing one of the magic items I'd picked up on my travels. I attached the device to my left wrist, and sent out a grappling hook at an angle that made it hit the wall next to the princess. I then slid down the chain and landed softly on the ground. With a flick of my wrist the hook retracted and the chain vanished into the device attached to my left wrist.

I then ran up and grabbed the evil rabbit, while trying not to laugh, and since I was super strong I was able to restrain the beast. I then kicked the bunny so hard it hit the castle wall. However this only stunned the deadly and adorable monster. So I reached into my pouch and took out on the spiked bombs that would stick to anything and then make it blow up.

"..And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O LORD, bless this Thy hand grenade so that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy. And the LORD did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats..."

"Gothic, just kill it already" ordered the understandably upset princess.

"Girls, they never captivate Monty Python" I said as I threw the sticky bomb.

My throw was brilliant. Just as the evil leapt into the air my explosive device hit and the creature dropped to the ground before dying due to the detonation of the small bomb.

"What are you doing here?" Zelda demanded to know.

"Saving you from The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog, obviously. I'm Welsh I know all about King Arthur's greatest foe".

Which made no sense to anyone other than myself, yet I still laughed a little.

"You're supposed to be guarding the Triforce" she needlessly reminded

That was when I heard a scream, and without delay I used the hook and chain to launch myself back up to my room.

"Ha! The Triforce of Wisdom! Mine, at last!"

Given that the person trying to take the Triforce looked to be a rather feeble old man I was rather surprised by the strength of his voice.

"No! No, you can't!" protested my sidekick.

"Go away you pesky insect"

When the old man sent my fairy friend flying into a wall I took out the Master Sword and made it grow into a short sword

"Evil is the path you choose, but evil doers always lose".

I was so glad that my Triforce never spoke to me.

"Stop right there" I ordered.

The elderly wizard turned to face me, and the look in his eyes reminded me of someone.

"Ganondorf" I snarled "I banished you to the underworld. How did you escape?"

Villains love to gloat, it gives them a chance to show off how clever they think they are.

"I am not really here" Ganondorf "I am just borrowing this form".

So it was possession then. He'd always seemed a little demonic to me, so it made sense.

"My magic is weakened, but I can still crush you".

Ganondorf sent a blast of magical energy at me. Lucky for me it was rather weak and I was able to block with the Master Sword.

"What? No!" called out the dark wizard as he tried to attack me again.

This time I twisted the blade so the flat side was facing my foe, the magic sizzled as it tried to destroy the sword. However it couldn't and I walked towards the dark lord as he futilely tried to destroy me by feeding more power into the attack.

In the end that was what secured my victory he put so much energy into the assault that he drained himself. Normally Ganondorf had vast amounts of magic to call upon, but right now he was in someone else's body and that body couldn't channel the magic like he could, or at least that was my guees. And I was proven right when the body collapsed to the ground. I then just about heard a very familiar voice call out what sounded like a death threat.

However my concern was for the old man who had been cruelly used. I'd never been a great hero, but that didn't mean that the suffering of innocents meant nothing to me. Sadly there was nothing I could. I had no healing powers. Spryte was the support and I was the warrior, it worked well normally, but she was out cold.

That was Zelda appeared and used her own magic to restore both of the knocked out people to wellbeing. She was linked to the Triforce of Wisdom which granted her magical powers, including healing.

"What happened her" she asked of me.

"Ganondorf found a way around his banishment" I explained "he possessed this poor man, and was just about to get his hands on the Triforce but I was able to stop him".

The Triforce was indeed safe and sound. Which meant I'd won the day, yet again.

"Hooray" I whispered without much feeling.

"I'm glad you were here" said the princess as she examined the magic crystal "And thanks for rescuing me from that.. that rabbit monster. Let me reward you"_._

Traditionally me getting rewarded involved treasure of some sort, even if it was just a few coins or some food. Her highness went for the kiss, and would of planted a nice big on me if not for my jealous friend.

"Hey I helped too" the fairy protested.

Zelda moved away from me and kissed Spryte rather than me. Which enraged the little woman. As for me I suffered the humiliation of being lip blocked by my best friend.

THE END.


	2. Chapter 2

**Legend of Gothic - Episode 2**

**Courtyard. Hyrule Castle, Hyrule.**

_I'm not strong enough to stay away.  
>Can't run from you<br>I just run back to you.  
>Like a moth I'm drawn in to your flame,<br>_

I sure did spend a lot of time singing in the morning. If they had therapists around here I'd be booking an appointment soon.

_Say my name, _

_but it's not the same.  
>You look in my eyes, <em>

_I'm stripped of my pride.  
>And my soul surrenders, <em>

_and you bring my heart to it's knees.**  
><strong>_

I stopped when I heard some footsteps, and I turned to see Zelda heading right for me. She looked very cheerful this morning, and she was wearing what could be considered to be a Tom Boy outfit only on her it managed to remain feminine. Plus it reminded me that she had a nice rack. Her breasts might not be that big, but I got the impression they'd make nice pillows. Which was important to me.

"Well, it's the first day of spring" stated the princess "Do you know what that means, Gothic?"

I did not. I didn't even know this was spring. However there were flowers in bloom so that was a big clue.

"Sure do" I said "it means that I can do this"

I picked a pretty white flower off a bush and handed it to her highness.

"You're so sweet" she commented

Zelda took a moment to sniff the flower, before finding a way to attach to her outfit.

"So are you feeling like a true hero today?" she asked.

Well this seemed to be going very well. Romance was in the air.

"You could say that" I said "I am ever ready to face the forces..."

"Good!" Zelda exclaimed happily before I could finish sounding all heroic "Because it's time for spring cleaning. This castle needs to be scrubbed, swept and polish from top to bottom, and I'm putting you in charge of everything on the first floor".

I'd be the first to admit that my knowledge of feudal societies was not as great as it should be, given that I was suppose to be a prince one day soon, but I was pretty certain that nobles had servants to do the cleaning for them. Also it seemed odd to put a hero in charge of a cleaning effort. Bit of a waste of my talents really.

"In charge as in" I prompted.

Hopefully I'd have some people to help. I could coordinate the work easily enough, and how could it be compared to saving an entire kingdom?

"As in if it's not done right then I know who to blame" she clarified.

"I'm more a of fighting monsters kind of guy..." was what I started to say,

"No arguments!" insisted the princess "You're my big strong hero, so go save the day. I'll come back later to see how you're doing.

I was pretty sure that this was not what heroes did.

(Line Break)

**First Floor Corridors. Hyrule Castle. Hyrule.**

Several hours later I once more I faced another bunny, and yet again my victory was at hand.

"Die dust bunny!" I shouted out as the broom won the day.

It was very anticlimax.

"Gothic, what are you doing" asked Spryte "since when do you clean things. You're suppose to fight scary monsters and save innocent people not sweep floors".

I had noticed that this was a big change in my life.

"Did I save the kingdom?" I asked of my adorable little friend "I do remember being a hero, once".

"You were very brave" assured Spryte while giving me an admiring look.

If only she five feet tall rather than five inches. I'd build us a tree house and play 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours' with her. Then we'd have lots of sex. Alas she was fairy, and thus could be kept in a jar as a night light. Not that I'd ever be that cruel to her.

"I was brave" I said while remembering my glory days "now I sweep floors. I've really come down in the world. I use to be a champion and now I'm the caretaker"

Not there was anything wrong with being a caretaker, they are very hard working people it was just that it was really my thing.

"This isn't right" protested my tiny friend "I should talk to the princess".

"No wait" I protested as Spryte flew off.

I really didn't want this to happen so I ended up chasing after the fairy.

(Line Break)

**Gothic's Chambers. Hyrule Castle. Hyrule.**

In the view of the princess it was mostly a good thing that her Triforce was kept in Gothic's room. It was far safer here than anywhere else as it was guarded very well. Not that she'd admit this out loud.

There were however downsides. The blue crystal was a holy relic after all, and it really should be kept in a nice clean room.

"This place is a mess. How can he live like this" complained her highness.

By the standards of most bachelors it wasn't actually that bad, but Zelda was a princess so she had high standards.

"Orderly ways do not make one brave, and neatness does not a kingdom save" said the Triforce of Wisdom.

It was a mystery to the princess as to why the holy relic would talk about Gothic, but it never talked to him. She'd asked about that, however the answer she had gotten had just made her more confused.

"But still, it offends my royal nose when I must smell these stinky clothes!" she sang to the crystal.

The serving girls had long ago perfected the art of not hearing anything unless it was said to them directly. This time they failed and they all spent a few seconds giggling. Although they may of also had something to do with Zelda holding up a pair of the champion's boxers, so that she could try to figure if they should be thrown out or merely washed.

"Let's get some air in here" Zelda said.

One of the servants went

Seconds later a bat flew the window, which was odd because it was the middle of the day. However what was odder was that the bat transformed into something that resembled a man. Only this was no man. It was in fact a vampire, and not the kind Anne Rice likes to write about. This undead monster was grey skinned, bald, had bat likes ears and a nose. Also it had rotten looking teeth. This was a true Nosferatu, and it was terrifying.

As the women in the room screamed the blood suckers went right for Triforce of Wisdom. Zelda tried to stop the vampire, but she was thrown aside with ease. Thankfully the undead being never got it cold clammy hands on the magic crystal as that was when Spryte entered the room followed by Gothic.

Upon seeing the blood drinking monster the Champion of Hyrule attacked.

He used the broom in his hands as if it was a staff. He swept the monster off its feet, then snapped the end of the broom off before plunging the end into the undead creature's chest. As vampires tended to do when stabbed threw the heart the evil being was turned to dust.

"Weird" commented the hero "it didn't vanish".

Which meant that it wasn't a summoned creature sent here by the Dark Wizard Ganon, or at least Ganon hadn't summoned it like he did with the rest of his minions.

"Get off his bed, you hussy!" called out Spryte when she saw the Zelda lying on Gothic's bed.

"Don't call the princess a hussy" chided Gothic "They might practice _Lèse_-_majesté_ here".

No one understood what '_Lèse_-_majesté' _was but no one cared enough to ask what it meant.

_"_I always thought sunlight killed vampires" one of the maids said.

"I always thought they were made up" another young woman commented "my grandfather use to talk about them, but that was just a story".

Gothic narrowed his eyes as he spotted something glittering in the pile of dust he had created. He reached down and picked up a plain looking ring, however there was something about it that made him think it was magical.

"Give that to me" ordered her highness in a very formal tone of voice.

It was custom for the loot to belong to whoever who had slain the monster, but a royal command was a royal command, so he handed it over.

"Well I never did get you an engagement thing" Gothic commented as Zelda inspected the magical item.

She said nothing in reply.

(Line Break)

**Ganondorf's Throne Room. The Underworld. **

The dark wizard slammed his closed fists into the armrests of his throne as he saw his latest plan fail. Recruiting a vampire had not been easy work. The ritual required to bring the monster into this realm had been very complex and time consuming.

To make it worse he'd lost the power that he had invested into ring that not only made the vampire immune to sunlight but also its vulnerability to fire. Now that magical item was in the hands of his enemies. But the really frustrating part was that he couldn't even punish the undead creature for its failure because it had been destroyed.

In the view of the dark arts user the plan had been brilliant. Ganondorf had not believed that the hero, would know how to slay a vampire, as there hadn't been such a creature in the land of Hyrule for generations. And even if he had Gothic never would have expected one to attack during the day.

Lacking a target for his wrath Ganon decided to start formulating a new plan. He hoped that the Champion of Hyrule would not expect another attempt to take the Triforce so soon. So the dark wizard decided that he would reuse an old plan. Once more he would posses someone, a person who should in the castle, and then create some confusion. Nothing lethal like another monster, as that would only clue Gothic as to what was going on. He needed something more silly than dangerous.

"Hmm...that fairy could be just the distraction that I need" decided Ganon as he watched Spryte struggle to beat the dirt out of a large piece of carpet.

He sent a spell at the winged best using his magic mirror and as he expected it struck its target. Now all he had to do was to find a suitable body to borrow. Fairies were beings of light magic, and therefore unsuitable, which was Ganondorf had possessed her. However even that the castle was packed with busy working cleaners he had plenty of people to chose from.

(Line Break)

**Grand Dining Room. Hyrule Castle. Hyrule.**

"Spryte, where are you?" called out the princess as she sought out the fairy.

"I'm here Princess" replied the tiny being as she flew into the large room.

"Good" said Zelda as she started to give out orders "Now I want you to clean the windows. Mop the floor. Sweep up the dust, and no sneaking off to see Gothic"

The future queen was not jealous of how close Spryte and the Champion of Hyrule were, but sometimes it did annoy her that the man she was suppose to marry was friends with another woman. She had no concerns about them being more than friends, but that didn't mean she wanted Gothic spending too much time with the fairy.

"Yes, your Highness" Spryte said sounding very polite.

Then as the princess turned her back the fairy started making faces at Zelda, she only stopped when the door was closed.

"Work, work, work" complained Spryte as she inspected the room she was suppose to clean.

Since this room was on the first floor she wanted to a good job, as it would be her friend who got blamed if there was a bad job done.

"Well, that's what magic's for!" the fairy said just before casting a spell.

"Whoa! What happened?" Spryte asked of herself as the cleaning equipment started to trash the room "My magic has become so powerful!"

Seconds later Spryte was screaming as a rag meant for polishing the chandeliers tried to kill her.

(Line Break)

**First Floor Corridors. Hyrule Castle. Hyrule.**

The screamed hadn't even faded I already on the move. I opened the door to the dining room to find a scene out of Fantasia. Mops, brooms, buckets and feather dusters were attacking everything in sight. Soon that also included me and I ended up in a sword fight with the handle of a mop which was someone using a bucket as a shield.

"Ah! Stop that! Help!" my sidekick called out as she dodged the duel threats of a feather duster and cleaning rag.

I ended up cutting the bucket in half while ignoring the attempts of a mop to bludgeon me to death.

"Damn you Micky Mouse" I cried out as I blasted the duster that had been harassing my friend.

Not my best war cry, but this wasn't the kind of epic battle I wanted to be remembered for.

"Do something!" my adorable partner in adventuring requested as a bucket tried to trap her.

Once more using the Master Sword I blasted the bucket, which sent bits of wood flying everywhere. Then the cleaning rags and brooms regrouped and started to move towards me in a way that seemed very menacing.

"And now to mop up" I joked.

I pulled out my magic boomerang, which was far more cool then the name suggested, and threw it with enough force to shatter the cleaning equipment, then it returned to my hand.

"XENA!" I shouted out.

My pop culture references were really wasted here, but I just couldn't help myself.

"What happened here ?" asked the concerned princess as she entered the wreaked room "did you do this?"

I was greatly offended to hear that so I gave a very unhelpful answer.

"My guess is that your franchise has been brought by the Disney corporation".

Her highness gave me an exasperated look and then shook her head.

"I can't decide if you're insane or just an idiot"

Upon hearing that I opened my mouth to say something, but the princess suddenly shouted out.

"Spryte!"

"Yes, Princess Zelda?" said a very scared looking fairy.

"What happened here?" the future queen asked in a stern voice.

Spryte looked like a little girl who had been caught pinching sweets.

"Uh, well, I cleaned a doormat outside and then I came in here to do my cleaning magic, and everything went crazy!"

"Magical mishap or evil scheme?" I mused out loud.

"Ganon!" exclaimed the princess.

There was a fifty percent chance of it being Ganondorf in my view, but I raced after Zelda anyway.

"Oh no, Ganon got the Triforce!" said Zelda once we had confirmed that it was gone. "Nice job, hero"

"I'm sorry" I apologised

"You'll be sorrier if we don't get that Triforce back" she threatened "I'll see to it personally. Now let's go!

It actually took me a few moments to decide to chase after her. I was starting to regret saving her from having to marry Ganon. Sometimes I thought they deserved each other. But since I didn't want to live in a kingdom ruled by dark forces I decided to go after her, and besides her father would not be happy if I let her get killed.

(Line Break)

**Ganondorf's Throne Room. The Underworld**

Upon entering his throne room Ganon had abandoened the body he had stolen and now was now back in his own phyiscal form. Which left the poor servant whose body had been hijacked to wander the the Underworld. But that wasn't all bad as there was a chance the cleaner would find his way to surface.

"At least two Triforces side by side. Nothing stands in my way now!" gloated the dark lord as he placed the Triforce of Wisdom next to the Triforce of Power "soon I shall rule all of Hyrule!"

Any further gloating would have to wait as a trapdoor opened. It deposited the hero and the princess into Ganon's spare summoning jar. He'd not finished building it yet, but that had been fortunate for him as it was able to contain even a powerful warrior like Gothic.

"Hmm...seems I have visitors" said the dark lord.

"That was a terrible shortcut" complained Zelda.

"Well excuse me princess" replied Gothic "but my magic map doesn't tell me where the booby traps are, and we were in a rush".

He didn't mention the fact that she had actually been the one to trigger the trapdoor.

"Now what do we have here?" asked Ganondorft needlessly/

Gothic wasn't foolish enough to try blasting his way out so he tried to jump so that he could grab onto the top of the glass jar. However he didn't make and just ended up sliding the down the side. The sight made the dark wizard chuckle in amusement.

"When I get of here, we'll see who has the last laugh" said Gothic.

Ganondorf ignored the remark and instead started acting like a typical super villain.

"Strong enough to hold even the most impetuous hero. Too bad you won't be around long enough to appreciate its finest qualities".

Rather than simply kill his foes swiftly, the wizard called fourth that looked like a cross between a crab and a spider, only it was as big as a car.

"I'll deal with this" declared Gothic

"Where have I heard that before?" said Zelda.

"I think it was the last time Lord Pigface kidnapped you" said Gothic as the monster got closer to the jar "just think if it weren't for me you'd be married to Ganon by now".

Gothic used his hook and chain device to free himself, unfortunately Ganon hit him with some magic sent him falling back into the jar.

"Great job, hero" was Zelda's sarcastic remark.

The crab/spider thing tried to attack the heroes. but the glass container was in the way. Then the monster started to try and tip the jar over.

"No, no! Reach down from the top!" called out the evil magic user.

The abomination against nature reached down from the top and grabbed Gothic's sword just the hero had intended it to. However rather than blast the creature the hero let the monster lift him out of container. Then when the crab/spider thing was about to kill the Champion of Hyrule with its free claw, Gothic let go of the blade.

He dropped to the floor, rolled, took out a sticky bomb and then threw it at the abomination. Then he ran to avoid the explosion, which didn't end the monster, but it did stun the unnatural creation and it dropped the Master Sword. Which Gothic caught and then he used to finish off the monster. Being a summoned being it soon vanished.

That was when Ganon started sending fireballs at the hero, but Gothic simply span and the fireballs missed every time. Then he pulled a tiny shield from his bag of holding, which grew into a proper shield. It was red and had a black dragon painted upon it, but it was more than a decorated piece of wood. The shield was indestructible, so Ganon's next attack didn't nothing more make the air around Gothic a lot warmer.

"Spryte, get me out of this jar!" ordered the princess and the fairy finally caught up with them.

"I'll try" Spryte said as she used her enhanced powers to levitate the princess out of the jar.

Once she was free Zelda took out a bow from her bag of holding and shot an arrow at Ganon, but he saw it coming in time to create a mystical shield. Gothic then fired energy blasts at the dark wizard, but they were reflected off the magical barrier and one bolt of energy nearly hit the hero. In fact it would have had it not bounced off the hero's shield and then hit one of the support columns.

"You'll both regret attacking me!" roared Ganondorf.

After creating a fireball much later than any of the others he'd used in this battle. The dark wizard sent it at the princess However Zelda was wearing the ring that had been worn by the vampire, so the magical fire did nothing to her and instead the spell hit the support column that was opposite the one Gothic had accidental destroyed. With that the cavern began to shake and it was pretty obvious that the throne room was not going to be safe to be in very soon.

"We need to get out of here!" shouted out the Hero of Hyrule, as Ganandorf teleported himself out of danger.

"No wait get the Triforce of Power" ordered the noble woman.

There was no time to argue, so Gothic tried to grab the red crystal. However it either didn't want to be take or Ganon had put protections on it as Gothic only ended up hurting himself when grabbed the Triforce.

"Fuck!" he swore.

Rather than try again the champion started running. Being very fast on his feet he was soon out of the collapsing chamber.

"Where's the Triforce?" the princess demanded to know.

"It was protected" Gothic explained "I couldn't touch it".

Zelda was not happy to hear that.

"You should of fond a way".

"There was no time" argued the hero "even I could of held on to it I would of just ended being buried, and then you wouldn't have anyone to protect the Triforce you do have".

Zelda only nodded when she finally accepted that logic.

"Hey, listen" said Spryte "there'll be another chance".

"Not for you" said the princess to the fairy "you still have cleaning to do".

"I'll help" promised Gothic

Battling magically animated mops and brooms was not something he wanted to do again. It was kind of embrassing.

"But no magic, okay".

"Okay" agreed Spryte "I'll just let you do all the work, because your so strong and handsome and...".

The princess coughed.

"Yeah let's just go back to the castle" said Gothic.

That they did, and on the way out they even found one of the cleaners wandering about. He at least was grateful towards Gothic for saving the day.

THE END.


	3. Chapter 3

**Legend of Gothic - Episode 3**

**Blacksmiths. A Village. Hyrule.**

Not for the first time I found myself amazed by how much magical power even the normal people had in this world. Clearly they were a race of elves, they didn't call themselves that and the word meant nothing to them. But to me the pointy ears, the fact they didn't eat red meat, had a great respect for nature, and magical powers, made them elves.

Even the blacksmith could create fire with a simple gesture were as I had spells to use at all. This didn't upset me as I had the Triforce of Courage, which made me a powerful warrior, a champion of a realm, and a hero who had fame and fortune.

However the lack of any spells along with the lack of pointy ears, did set me apart from everyone else. No one ever mentioned it, if only because it's really stupid to insult someone who fight scary monsters for a living and has a magic sword, but there were times that I wondered if the small differences were the reason why Zelda didn't find me attractive.

Thinking of Zelda made me turn my head to look at the princess. She was admiring herself in a mirror she'd just picked up at one the stores. Apparently the people in this village were the best at making the kind of things nobles liked to waste their money on.

As for me I was here to guard her. This was because her father, who was of course the king, was not very happy about his only child putting herself in danger, no parent would. Normally the princess could get her own way, as she was so a Daddy's little girl, but this time he had put his foot down and had ordered her to take an escort.

However the royal guard simply couldn't handle their duties. They weren't cowards, it was no fault of theirs that they could handle monster attacks. I had the Triforce of Courage and magical items of great power, so for me it was, if not easy then at least not too difficult, to protect Zelda. In fact it had been her idea, if only as an alternative to be escorted by a small army while did she some shopping.

Which was an encouraging sign as it meant she did trust me, at least a little Even she had asked me ride inside the carriage with her, and it was the royal carriage so it had been a comfy ride. I also got the sense that it wasn't something she let just anyone do. She'd even talked to me without a single insult, she hadn't even ordered me to do anything. It was nice.

"Hyrule is very magical land" the princess said when she noticed that I was watching the blacksmith forge a sword with tools and magic.

"That explains why everyone seems to know a few spells" I reasoned.

It might explain the singing as well. So many people sang around here. Not like a Disney musical, it was more like music was a type of magic.

"That's why Ganon wants it so badly" Zelda told me as used a spell to restyle her hair, so she could admire the look in her new mirror "He'll stop at nothing to capture it, even a piece at a time".

I got the feeling then that something bad was going to happen. Whatever higher powers there were seemed to have a sense of humour, so I'd expected the ground to open up and for monsters to try capture the village. Only they didn't.

Zelda seemed to sense the fact that I was on edge, so she said.

"Relax nothing bad is going to happen".

"Oh you just had to say that" I muttered as the ground began to shake.

Without waiting for a reply I jumped out of the carriage and took the Master Sword out of its scabbard.

"Stay here, princess!" I instructed as an underworld door appeared.

"You don't get to tell me what to do" said her highness.

She stepped out of the carriage, but there was nothing I could do about that now as armoured figures were marching out of the underground kingdom and into the settlement.

I mentally commanded my awesome sword to grow to the size of a longsword, and not for the first time I wondered if the designer of the magical weapon had ever thought about how sexually suggestive it was that the blade would increase in size when I wanted to fight. It blurred the line between sex and violence.

Focusing I put those thoughts aside and started blasting. A lot of the magical animated suits of armour blew up, they didn't die or get banished as they were just suits of armour with spells on them.

I saw a blur whiz past me and then an arrow hit a suit in the head which knocked the helmet off, but that didn't mean much as the thing had nothing to protect there. They didn't even need to see.

Backing away I kept blasting and felt myself getting tired. The Triforce of Courage supported me, but I still had to do the work, and it took a lot out of me to keep zapping bad guys.

Unfortunately for me it turned out that I had made a very bad tactical choice. Blasting the empty suits had been the quickest way to end the threat, but as I was now discovering the walking armour had just been the warm up act.

The actual threat was a tentacle monster of some sort. I attempted to blast it back to whatever nightmare realm it belonged to, but I just couldn't produce the needed magical power.

I was soon wrapped up in tentacles, and since I knew that abominations like this tended to do two things to those they captured I really hoped that it was just going to eat me. I wasn't sure that even my magically enhanced body could save me from the horror being sexually molested by Cthulhu's baby brother. Oddly I was scared, but being the Champion of Hyrule meant that you didn't just give up and die. So I struggled and struggled, it was rather pointless, but if I wanted to leave life the way I entered it. Kicking and screaming, and covered in someone else's blood.

Then the creature roared, which freaked me out, because it had no mouth. However that didn't stop it from screaming just before it was banished.

"Oh, my goodness!" I heard the princess call out.

However her words weren't directed at me, as if she was concerned about about my well-being. Instead she was looking right at a very well groomed man, who was dressed in all white, while sitting on white steed. He also had long golden hair and was holding a crossbow. He was like the anti-me.

I was certain that he just saved my life, which was great, but I disliked him already. He was a little too perfect. Too handsome, and his timing had been so good that the whole thing stank of a set up.

"Greetings! You must be the fair Princess Zelda" said the man.

He sounded like a fop. I would be willing to beat ten gold coins that he never swore either.

"I am" Zelda said while giving the toff a curtsy "And, you are?"

She's never talked to me like that, and I'd saved her life. A few times. All this guy had done is come at the last moment and fired a crossbow at a huge target. It was so unfair, I'd nearly died fighting to protect an entire village of people and I might as have died, because no one cared.

"I am Prince Facade of Arcadia. I have travelled the world and to view its wonders but none have been your match in beauty".

That was so cheesy, no way Zelda would fall for it.

"Gothic where are your manners? Stand up and meet Prince Facade!"

I managed to pull myself up and to start limping over to the princess. But not before I recovered my sword.

"This is my friend, uh, well, an acquaintance-somebody I know slightly-his name's not important".

Wow I'd been pushed aside quickly. I mean I'd been dumped before, but this was stone cold.

"Pleased to meet you, your Highness" I said, while trying not to sound as if I wanted to murder him.

Which wasn't fair I knew that. He'd done nothing wrong, in fact saving me had been a good thing. It was Zelda who was being the total bitch.

"This is a real pleasure," said the prince as he shook my hand "I have heard much about the famed Champion of Hyrule. It was an honour to assist you in battle. I can only hope that one day the name Prince Facade becomes half as well as known as Gothic".

Wait his name was Facade. If sounded a lot like the French word façade: which mean superficial appearance or the illusion of something. In other words he was keeping up a facade.

Existence indeed had a sense of humour, his name suggested that he was either a vain, arrogant prat, who was actually a coward, or he wasn't actually a prince at all and this was all a con of some sort.

Also it took him a while to let go of my hand, and that got me wondering if he was gay, because he was way too well groomed, clean and he way too much perfume, to be an adventuring hero. You can't look so great, and fight monsters while on the road. I knew this because I'd travelled around a lot. So the illusion could just be that he wasn't a hero at all.

Still I thought it best to keep an eye on him. He might just be a dandy who was good with a crossbow, but that didn't mean he couldn't be dangerous.

"May I offer you a ride back to the castle, princess? My steed can carry two" the possible fake prince offered.

"Why, thank you, I'd be most grateful" Zelda said in royal tone of voice as she mounted the steed.

I was torn between crying and vomiting at this point. Some total ponce had come along and so effortlessly take my girl. It was beyond humiliating and it physically repulsive to watch. The pain I was in made it a lot worse.

"Take the carriage back to the castle" the princess ordered without even looking at me "and I shall see you there later".

"Maybe" I muttered to myself.

**Ganondorf's Throne Room. The Underworld.**

The dark wizard smiled as he watched the scene his mirror showed him.

"Does something amuse you, great master?" asked a minion.

Normally the dark lord didn't like to be questioned. However he did like to show off how intelligent he was, so he decided to explain to the minion why he was so happy.

So far the plan was going very well. 'Prince Facade' was actually an actor who had toured distant lands as part of a band of wandering performers. Later he'd become a con man, who used his skills to keep himself in luxury until he was no longer able to fool people. Then he run away, change his appearance, and start tricking people again. His last deception had led to him being chased by a mob. He ended up in the underworld, and Ganon had nearly killed him.

He would of if 'Facade' hadn't tried to lie his way out of trouble. The evil wizard had sensed the dark heart within the man. Like Ganon the con man only cared about himself, but he was also a coward so it had been simply to convince the man to use his skills to aid Ganondorf's plans.

The scheme was actually rather simple, Ganon's minions would attack the champion and the princess. The assault would be a real one and 'Facade' would come in at the last moment and save the day. If Gothic or Zelda died, then that was fine too, but that wasn't in the plan.

To help him play his part the dark lord had supplied the actor with a crossbow that was heavily enchanted, it was powerful enough to hurt or even banish any creature Ganondorf could control. The second item of importance was a bottle of perfume, it was magical and would make any women who got close to the fake prince feel a strong attraction towards** '**Facade'.

It couldn't make anyone fall in love with the con man, as real love was a magic in of itself. However the attraction would be strong enough to effect any woman, even Zelda, and that wouldmake the Hero of Hyrule jealous.

In essence the plan was that the con man's would to drive Gothic away from the castle, so that the champion wouldn't be around to protect the Triforce or the princess. Then when Ganon's minions went after Zelda, she wouldn't have her hero around to protect her.

It just couldn't fail. It was just such a wonderful plan.

**Sitting Room. Hyrule Castle. Hyrule. **

"So, your highness, I hear that we owe you a debt of gratitude" said King Harkinian as he joined his daughter in the sitting room. "The talk is that you saved one of our villages single-handedly, Good show, good show!"

After he was done giving the man what the king thought was well deserved praise the king took a moment to study the hero. He was not convinced by what he saw. A good king tended to be able to judge people very well, they had to in order to pass judgements, and there was something about this so called hero that bothered the king.

"What was your name again" he asked the handsome prince.

"Oh, daddy!" said Zelda that made it clear that she thought her father was being a silly old man "This is Prince Facade, the famous adventurer!"

A hero prince who was famous, there was the problem. King Harkinian had never heard of him. A handsome prince roaming the world seeking adventure should be known to him. However Zelda seemed to act as if Facade was well known, and she was a smart woman. Which made the king wonder if the stories about Facade simply hadn't reached him yet. Unlikely, as a good king listen to the stories of travelling minstrels, as they tended to have some truth to them, however it wasn't impossible. So Harkinian decided to give the lad the benefit of the doubt.

"So a famous adventurer then" said the ruler of Hyrule "we are doubly honoured then as we have a great hero living in the castle. Isn't that right my dear".

The king was actually started to get a little worried. Zelda was totally smitten by this prince. While this wouldn't normally be a problem, as a heroic prince was a good match for a princess, his daughter already had a brave hero who she was suppose to marry. This could case problems.

"Well yes there's Gothic, but he's not in the prince's class. Facade is truly wonderful".

That had to be at least an exaggeration as Gothic was known throughout Hyrule. Not everyone knew him by sight, but the name was famous throughout the land, and infamous throughout the underworld.

"Oh, no, I wouldn't say that" said the prince, trying to appear modest.

"Well, I would!" asserted Zelda

King Harkinian sighed. His daughter was to old for a girl's crush. He was not a young man, she could be queen within years and that meant she couldn't marry for love. If she fell inlove the Champion of Hyrule then that would be wonderful, but it wasn't a requirement.

"Well, if you insist" allowed the prince.

"Where is Gothic?" asked the ruler of Hyrule.

"Who?" muttered Zelda as she dreamily stared at her guest.

King Harkinian then knew he had invite Gothic to dinner. He had to find out how the champion felt about his daughter's sudden infatuation.

(Line Break)

**Gothic's Chamber. Hyrule Castle. Hyrule.**

If anyone cared to enough to ask me how I felt then I'd say really that I hated life in a very emo kind of way. Which explained why I was singing a papa roach song.

_Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness  
>I need to calculate<br>What creates my own madness  
>And I'm addicted to your punishment<br>And you're the master  
>And I am waiting for disaster <em>

Sometimes I had to wonder if the songs I found myself singing were random or not. I'd seen people her sing about the jobs they were doing, but sometimes they sang stuff that nothing to do with them what so ever. So there was pattern as far as I could tell.

_I feel irrational  
>So confrontational<br>To tell the truth I am  
>Getting away with murder<br>It isn't possible  
>To never tell the truth <em>

"I brought you a clean towel" I heard Spyrte say so I didn't bother the chorus.

"Good timing since I'm taking a bath" I commented.

Right now I did want to be alone, but it didn't bother me that the fairy wanted to see me naked.

"I noticed" remarked Spyrte "Need your back scrubbed?

That took a moment to decided, and I ended up letting her do it because as sad as it was, a female fairy with a scrubbing brush was the closest I'd gotten to sex in more time that I cared to remember.

"Did you clean my clothes" I asked.

She could clean things with magic, so it wasn't a big favour for her to do that sort of thing for me. She used her magic to move the scrubbing brush as well which was saved me the effort if nothing else.

"I did" my sidekick confirmed "but I don't think taking a bath is going to help. Zelda's a total snob, she doesn't appreciate you at all. I like you just the way you are...especially at the moment".

There was nothing about that statement that I could disagree. The only thing she said or did that I had trouble with was the brush was now cleaning something to low to be part of back. The sad thing was that I actually enjoyed it.

"Okay that's enough" I said "I need to get dressed for dinner. I'm dining with the king".

Which was I hoped an inoffensive way of making her back off.

"Are you sure you don't want me to scrub you all over?" the fairy asked with a look that promised she'd do a good job.

"Maybe next time" I said.

Given that I might not be in the castle the next time I bathed, it may just happen. Because by then there would be no reason not to let her clean whatever part of me she wanted to clean.

(Line Break)

**Private Dining Room. Hyrule Castle. Hyrule.**

They didn't eat red meat in this land, which was why my outfit was from a different land, as they didn't butcher animals. And they didn't have half the dishes my world had either, but on special occasions I did get to eat chicken or fish. The dinner table had been blessed with both foods, but I'd not eaten much of either.

I was feeling rather ill due to Zelda's actions, and the princes' perfume was making it worse. It stank to high heaven.

"So then, after I defeated all fifty of the monsters, I turned my attention to Ganon himself".

"Oh! Have you fought Ganon?" asked the princess, who sounded very interested in an answer.

"I have indeed. And I taught that brute a lesson, I..."

By this point in the evening I'd already devised a dozen different painful deaths for the 'hero' and that was just if I used my knife and fork.

"Was this before or after I banished him to the Underworld" I inquired.

I simply wasn't able to keep my mouth shut, because there was no way this guy could of met Ganon in another land only weeks ago, because aside from the travel time involved, Ganondorf couldn't physically leave his underground domain.

"Gothic, don't interrupt the prince" ordered Zelda, before urging him to go on with the lies he was telling.

That was when I stormed out.

(Line Break)

**Gothic's Chamber. Hyrule Castle. Hyrule.**

"I'm sure Zelda didn't mean..." my fairy friend started to say.

"Don't bother Spryte" I told her "I know I can't leave. I have to protect the Triforce. There's no way out".

"Well that's not.. what I mean to say is..."

I could tell that the fairy was struggling to find the words so I didn't pressure her to say anything.

"You see the rules of the old magic do... well you have to protect Hyrule and you do that by guarding the Triforce, but that isn't actually your job. You were the champion before you lived in the castle, you protected the kingdom, and the princess has to marry you saved Hyrule that's the rule but if Prince Facade, saved the realm, by say stopping Ganon from taking the Triforce then Zelda could marry him. If she wanted to, and he's a prince so..."

That was all I needed to hear.

"So if Prince Facade saved the kingdom. Zelda wouldn't need to marry me. She's already falling for him so I'd be out of a job".

"Sorry..." my fairy friend started to say.

"Then I'm out of here!" I declared "If Facade is a fake then the princess will learn a valuable lesson about appreciating what she has".

"What if she gets kidnapped again?" asked Spryte "or what if the Triforce of Wisdom is stolen?"

I thought about that for a moment or two before saying.

"Well I saved her last time she got kidnapped. I can do it again, so I won't go far and I beat Ganon when he was at the peak of his power, and he's weaker now so I can kill him if I have to. But if Lancealot the Poof can defeat a creature I couldn't then maybe he isn't a total fake. If that's so then he can marry Zelda and we can get the hell out of here".

Maybe soon I'd go and see Princess Ruto. As I recalled she'd been very eager to marry me. Granted she was a kind of mermaid, her head freaked me out, and she'd only wanted me for the Triforce of Courage, but I was sure that if I explained that the Triforce had merged with me then she'd still want me around. I could get use to her appearance and she had the parts a woman needed to have to keep a man interested.

It was something to think about at least, and it helped past the time until I was all packed up.

I then went down to the courtyard and summoned my faithful steed using my special whistle. _Shadowfax _was what I'd called her and she'd gotten me around Hyrule using a magical ability I called Fast Travel. Which as far as I could tell some sort of super speed power, that when used caused the landscape blur around me and while it take hours to get somewhere distant I never noticed the time passing, and on any other horse those trips would of taken days if not longer.

_Shadowfax _was was a silvery white in colour and I was the only person she would ever let near her with a saddle. We had a great respect for each other and a good deal going between us. I never summoned her unless I really needed to and she got me where I needed to go as quickly as possible.

"Hey, girl" I greeted "I'm hitting the road again. Fancy an adventure?"

A nuzzle indicted that she would allow me to ride her, and I got to work putting on the special saddle.

(Line Break)

**Sitting Room. Hyrule Castle. Hyrule. **

"And as the final creature vanished, I realized that I had saved the city at last!" Facade said as he finished another tall tale.

The king had retired some time ago and the con man was getting a little worried. Zelda was under his control, but sooner or later someone was going to start asking questions. There was bound to be some noble around who had actually been to Arcadia, and they would know that the actual Prince of Arcadia was a five year old boy.

"Wow...you're so wonderful" Princess Zelda said as she moved closer to the evil actor.

"True, but you are also wonderful, my dear princess"

For a second it looked as if the two people were about to kiss, only a hideous creature appeared and grabbed Zelda.

"Well it's about time" said Facade as he dropped the act "for a second there I thought I might actually have to kiss the stupid woman".

Zelda was shocked to hear that, she almost missed the fact she was being kidnapped. However as soon she found herself being dragged through an open window and into the darkness of the night. Then she started screaming for help.

The fake prince told the guards that he would save the princess and by now they were used to heroes doing that sort of thing so they let him get on with it, not knowing that his real intention was just to make she got to the underworld entrance.

**Castle Grounds. Hyrule Castle. Hyrule.**

Rather then ride off into the night I'd decided to take things slow. It was late so I planned to stay in Hyrule Town best inn tonight, then in the morning I would just see where the road took me.

Then I heard a familiar sound. The princess was in trouble again.

"She's in trouble! I should..." I took a moment to decide "save her. Spryte go check on the Triforce in case this is a trick".

"I thought we were leaving" she said.

"We are" I assured "I'll save her one last time and then I'm gone".

Thankfully my fairy friend didn't argue further.

"Help! Help me!" the princess screamed.

Zelda could call for help very well, she'd had a lot of practice, and I was easily able to find her. I dismounted and managed to get to where she was quickly enough without giving away the element of surprise.

"Sorry your highness" I could hear Facade saying as he waved at Zelda "do enjoy the Underworld"

"Ah! Help me!" the princess called.

I blasted Facade with the Master Sword, and while it energy blasts weren't normally lethal, unless I wished them to be, however the amount of energy required to banish a monster was more than enough to bring a normal person to their knees. I did that to make he wasn't simply possessed by Ganon or a monster in disuse.

He was neither of these things so I stabbed him hard enough to kill him. I was pretty sure it was a crime worthy of hanging to help kidnap a princess, anyway and he wasn't the first person I killed, as not of all Ganon's servants had been summoned monsters. He hadn't actually been a threat me so it felt wrong, but there was no time to think about it right now.

"I'm here your highness!" I shouted as I followed the screaming.

That was when I saw the creature that had taken her.

"Crikey, mate. It's the creature from the Black Lagoon" I said without my normal level of volume.

It was running pretty fast and since it was carrying the princess I didn't want to zap it, so I carried on making stereotypical Austrian remarks such as 'putting another shrimp on the barbie' as I used my magic boomerang to knock the monster off its feet.

I then raced after it and before it could climb to its feet I had stabbed it through the chest, which banished the creature.

After that I simply stood there to catch my breathe and then started walking towards dry land.

"Wait" said Zelda as she followed me "Where are you going?"

"I don't know" I replied as I climbed onto my horse.

It was an honest answer.

"Are you coming back?" the princess then asked.

"I don't know" I said again.

And with that I left. I didn't really care where I was going or if I'd be back.

THE END.


	4. Chapter 4

**Reviews**

**The True Overlord **

Don't forget that Zelda was being influenced by magic perfume, so it isn't all her fault.

**Legend of Gothic - Episode 4**

**Unnamed Forest. The Kingdom of Hyrule.**

It had been less than a week since I'd left the castle, so I hadn't really gotten that far. In fact I'd purposely stayed close to political centre of the kingdom just in case I was needed. It would be pretty obvious if I was. Hyrule wasn't its normally cheery self when Ganondorf ruled over it, so he if did take over I'd be alerted by things like bad weather, depressed looking people and large numbers of monsters coming after me.

However I wasn't worried about that as Ganon seemed to be coming with more and more complicated plans as time passed. No doubt he busy was concocting some elaborate scheme right now. My enemy was as predictable as any Saturday morning cartoon villain.

Not that he was really my problem any more. Well not in short term anyway. I was the Champion of Hyrule after all, and while I was still protecting it by helping out when people asked, that didn't mean I had to do more. Sure I'd save the kingdom if it needed saving, because if I didn't I might lose the Triforce of Courage. But that didn't compel me to stick around and protect Princess Snobby Bitch.

"Maybe I should just keeping moving" I said to my sidekick "I could just go where I'm needed when I have to, and the rest of the time I can live on the move. There's bound to be some wonderful places I could visit. magical kingdoms always have a few ancient temples and whatnot".

That sounded like funny. You could never have enough magical items, and no doubt someone would need help wherever I went.

"Your songs are a lot more cheerful these days" commented Spyrte as I took a seat on the ground "I think you'll be much happier if you keep travelling with me".

I'd spotted the river due to the sunlight reflecting off it. So I'd decided to stop her for a while to enjoy the day. It was a beautiful place this forest. There seemed to be no around for miles. The only sound was the chirping of birds and the gentle rustle of the leaves as a gentle breeze moved them.

"Was I singing again?" I asked my tiny friend.

Before she answered I took out my fishing rod from my bag of holding, which was standard equipment for any hero, and start to make use of the magical item. It's only power was that it didn't require bait, that was odd but it saved me from having to put a worm on the hook. Not that I cared about catching anything as I had plenty food, and my magic would always guide to the nearest village if I wanted a proper meal.

"Yeah, but you never sing any songs I know" complained the little woman "so I can't sing along".

Which wasn't such a bad thing as the fairy didn't have a great voice. It didn't bother me any more, however that hadn't always been the case. There had been a time when I wished I could gag her tiny mouth. But she'd proven useful during my earlier adventures, and now I couldn't imagine not having Syprte in my life.

"Well then you'll have to teach me something you..."

That was when I heard a shriek of terror. A woman's scream, a rather over the top one.

"And on the subject of music" I said as I stood up and reached for the master sword "it sounds like someone's playing my tune".

Without delay I sped off towards the screaming and once more prepared to play the role of hero.

(Line Break)

**Unnamed Forest. The Kingdom of Hyrule.**

Not far away Princess Snobby Bitch, or Zelda as she was more commonly known, was also enjoying the beauty of nature or at least that was what she was trying to do. Sadly she was failing.

She'd gone out riding with her escort, and while she had dislike for the men guarding her, their presence was getting her nerves. She was rarely alone these days, and unlike in the past her father wasn't letting her get her own way any more.

The king was justified in his actions, because only a week ago Zelda's own poor judgement had gotten her into big trouble. However it wasn't all fault either. No one knew that the fake prince had been using an enchanted perfume to make himself nearly irresistible to Zelda.

Not that it would make a difference if they did. The damage had already been done. Gothic was gone, no one knew where he'd gone or if he'd ever come back. Deep down in her heart the future queen couldn't blame the hero. She was suppose to marry him, and then she'd pushed him aside as soon as pretty face had come along. She might as well of kicked him out of the castle.

And as there was no else able to single-handedly protect the princess. The ruler of Hyrule wasn't willing to let his only child and heir go off into the countryside by herself. Hence the tiresome escorts.

When a screamed filled the air, the princess put aside her sour feelings and ordered her guards to follow her. She didn't give the chance to point out they were suppose to keep her out of danger as Zelda was already urging her horse into something a little bit faster than a leisurely trot.

Not that guards were much help. Hyrule had been at peace for so long that the kingdom had never needed a real army, and even now the rebuilt royal guard simply didn't have the training to deal with an immense three-headed fire breathing dragon.

"Will no tall, dark haired and handsome hero save me from this three-headed monster"

It looked as if the poor maiden (who had been chained up like some sort of virgin sacrifice meant to appease the monster) wasn't going to get saved by any hero, never mind the one she kept calling out for.

Then Zelda discovered that she was wrong about that. Even as her own guards tried to get her away from the creature, a real warrior made a rather dramatic entrance.

"Never, fear. Gothic is here!".

"My tall, dark haired and handsome hero It's about time you got here!" shouted the damsel in distress

Had everyone not being giving the big scary monster all their attention, they might of found the woman's words a bit odd. She sounded as if she was reading from a script.

A second or so later Gothic was on the back of the dragon shouting the war cry '__Dovahkiin___, ___Dovahkiin___, naal ok zin los vahriin_ ' as he blasted one of the three heads of the evil beast. The creature foolishly tried to burn him off, but only ended up hurting itself. However being a dragon even its own magical fire wouldn't do the monster enough harm to end the battle.

What did do the harm was the Master Sword blasting the dragon. Magical energy stunned another head, and Gothic once more dodged the fiery attack of a dragon. While also managing to get off the dragon safely.

Even more impressively the Hero of Hyrule not avoided horrible burning death but he also managed managed to blast the last moving head. Before he landed on the ground.

Then came the finishing move. Gothic charged his sword with great amounts of power, far more than he had been able to in the past, and then shouted 'Fus Ro Dah!' very loudly as he blasted the dragon. Being a summoned creature it was banished to the underworld leaving the small clearing looking rather empty all of a sudden.

But the hero made no note of this as he was already freeing the damsel from her bondage. Once he'd done that Gothic shrank the Master Sword so that it was as small as a dagger, and then put it back in its scabbard.

"Greeting madam" the champion said to the woman he'd just rescued "I am Gothic slayer of dragons and saviour of fair maidens".

Apparently the maiden was rather charmed by this introduction and also very grateful for the rescue

"Oh you saved me, my handsome hero. Please let me give you something to show my gratitude".

Given that the maiden was a dark haired beauty, who was blessed with generous chest, and was half naked anyway due to the damage to her clothing, it would be hard to refuse any offer she made. Yet the champion was able to resist her 'charms' and not just because he was being watched by the Princess Zelda as well as her guards.

"No reward is necessary" said Gothic, trying to be modest while also being kind "other than your thanks that is. Now I'm sure that someone is worried about you so may I escort you...".

What was also apparent was that the woman was not going to accept the champion's refusal, she rather aggressively kissed Gothic, and then tried to go further, but she didn't get far.

Spyrte didn't like this and accused the dark haired woman of being a succubus. Which Zelda didn't disagree with as she didn't like the maiden either, she just didn't know that the fairy could tell that the woman was in fact a demon. Everyone else was fooled by the illusion.

"I'm sure she's just overexcited or in shock" Gothic was now saying as he tried to stop the damsel from taking off her clothes "you know like trauma or something".

He seemed more embarrassed than anything else.

"No she's really a Succubus!" Spryte shouted out "Watch!".

With that the fairy used some of her own magic to strip away the glamour, and that showed the maiden for what she truly was a demoness who was both attractive and terrifying at the same time. She had blood read horns, large black wings and hooves for feet, but everything else was rather appealing to look at.

"Fuck" Gothic swore as he took out his sword "Ganon's conjuring up demons!"

The hell creature was incredibly strong, she was able to push the Champion of Hyrule into the nearby stream, the demonic creature then turned to face Zelda, her guards were under some sort of spell so they were unable to do anything other than stare lustfully at the female demon as the monster approached the princess.

(Line Break)

**Ganondorf's Throne Room. The Underworld**

The dark lord snarled as he watched the demoness he had summoned go against the plan. It wasn't the hell creature's fault really, it was Ganon's as he had failed to take into account that the mystical protections granted to Gothic by the Triforce of Courage might allow him to resist the seductive powers of the Succubus.

The plan may still have worked if Zelda had also been in the area but the dark wizard had also forgotten that the Triforce of Wisdom tended to guide whoever was bonded to it. The princess had not chosen to visit that forest by mere chance.

Of course Ganondorf did not accept the blame, instead he used his vast powers to raise the underworld entrance that was close to where the princess and her hero were. This also was not by chance the entrance was there because the little show he'd set up had been carefully orchestrated. The dark wizard even had minions waiting by the entrance just in case the Succubus couldn't finish the job.

Once the entrance was open Ganon then transported himself to the opening. He couldn't physical leave the underground realm, but there was no reason why he could stand at the gateway and direct his minions, or even send spells at people who weren't in the underworld.

The dark wizard tried to do that, not caring that one of his summoned monsters was in the line of fire. However while the rules of banishment do have loopholes this wasn't one of them. The lightening bolt Ganon created simply fizzled out as soon it reached the end of the passageway he was standing in.

This greatly frustrated the evil being and in his rage he ordered his skeletons to 'kill them all'. Given that they were simply animated creations they had no intelligence of their own and took orders as they were given.

Which was extremely unfortunate for the succubus as she was the closet to the Underworld entrance. All ten of the skeletons attacked her and because she was a powerful demoness she was able to defeat half of them before they took her down. The female demon vanished as she was sent back to her native hell-dimension.

Ganon then gave into his rage and tried to send a fireball at the remaining skeletons, but again this failed.

Meanwhile Zelda's guards had snapped out of their trance, and while they weren't up to fighting demonic creatures and three-headed dragons, the remaining undead were a threat they could manage.

During all of this the princess had gone for the Master Sword, which was still lying on the ground. The noble lady had no idea if she could use it create blasts of destructive energy, but a sword was a sword. She would at least have something to swing, and her bow wasn't much good in a close quarters fight.

However she never got to hold the magical weapon as it moved by itself, slowly at first but before she could grab the blade it went flying into Gothic's waiting hand. The Master Sword had responded to the call of it wielder and it grew in length as he willed it to.

As for the hero himself, he was wet and had been injured as the stream had not been deep enough to cushion the hero's impact, so he was bleeding and likely bruised as well. Yet he was still in the fight, and he looked angry enough to destroy everything in his path.

This did not escape Ganondorf's notice. The wizard knew he couldn't attack the Champion of Hyrule, but he also knew that the reverse wasn't true, there was nothing stopping the hero from blasting the dark wizard.

Fear controlled Ganon's actions, and rather than teleport away the evil magic user turned to run. As he did Gothic sent a blast of energy at his foe. It was a feeble attack, normally it would of only made the dark wizard take a few steps back, however he was at the top of very long fight of steps. It wasn't hard to guess what would happen next.

(Line Break)

**Unnamed Forest. The Kingdom of Hyrule.**

"Bloody Ganondork" I muttered as I fell to knees.

That last blast had taken the last of my strength and now my legs could no longer support my weight. I was barely able to hold on to my sword, but I couldn't of lifted it to save my own life. Which made it a very good thing that I didn't have to.

I then heard Syprte call out my name, and soon after that I went the familiar sensation of healing fairy magic. Sadly for me healing my injuries wasn't going to be enough this time. I'd channelled to much energy when showing off my dragon slaying skills. The Triforce of Courage mystically enhanced me, but I had my limits. There was only so much the human body could take, and that last blast had pushed me beyond those limits. I felt the ache so deep inside me that it made my bones hurt.

Finally I couldn't even stay on me knees, or keep my eyes open. I'd never felt this worn out before.

"Put him on my horse" I heard Zelda order "we're returning to the castle".

I felt some strong arms, place me a steed. I had no how they planned to keep me from falling off, and I didn't much care either.

"Hey!" protested Syprte "he doesn't want to go back to the castle".

"Don't argue" I tried to say, but I couldn't even tell if anyone heard me.

"There's no time to debate" the princess said "he needs a proper healer and to sleep in a real bed".

Too right I did.

"Fine, but I'm staying with him" declared Spryte.

That was the last of the matter I heard as I felt my closing, and soon after that everything seemed to switch off.


End file.
